1. Get the staff emotionally involved. Everyone deep down wants to be valued. Make them care about what they are doing and they'll follow you forever.

2. Know what a team is and how it works. Identify the team roles and understand a team is where all the members focus on a collective target, not on their own targets.

3. Set realistic targets. Realistic doesn't mean easy, it means achievable and you might have to stretch a bit. Know what your team is capable of and what is expected by the top then marry the two.

4. Hold effective meetings (4 purposes);

to create and fuse a team
to impart information
to brainstorm ideas and make decisions
to collect information and make decisions

Start all meetings on time, never wait for anyone. Remain firmly in control, don't allow reminiscing, rambling, refusing to shut up or even relax. Don't go over for latecomers, they can find out at the end of the meeting and learn to be on time. Do it fast, there is no AOB, if its important it should be on the agenda. Hold meetings at the end of the day to keep short, keep minutes, make every point of the agenda end with an action plan or decision.

5. Make your team better than you. This means trusting them, getting them the best resources, training them to take over from you, trusting them and being confident in your abilities not to be jealous when they do take off.

6. Having clear boundaries and zero tolerance give you a finite line - a yardstick in which to judge everything. You are dealing with a team, not individuals and exceptions can't be made. If you allow one to wander in late, you must allow all to wander in late.

7. Be ready to prune. Your orchestra is playing, you're listening and a flute player is out of tune. So 3 choices to be made;-

*Put up - the orchestra sounds flat and your listening public (boss) will not listen and accuse you of being rubbish.
*Change - retrain the flute player but they maybe change to a different instrument but on the same hymn sheet - problem solved. If they are tone deaf, they shouldn't have been there in the first place. Time to..
*End it - Redundancy is swift and kind. The orchestra will recognize you as decisive, objective and in charge.

8. Offload. Imagine you have a big garden and decide to employ a gardener. You don't manage the gardener do you? You tell them what you want done and they get on with it. You decide what to plant, when and where and the gardener becomes the tool. Give the gardener as much to do with the decision making process and then free yourself up for long term strategies and seasonal planning. Secret of management - don't delegate tasks, delegate authority.

10. Encouragement. If you don't let everyone know you're pleased with them, they'll wilt. Praise given until they've done good or encourage in advance - active praise. Why? Because chances are, they'll do a better job and not let you down. It takes self assurance to give people responsibility - but they'll give you more in return.

11. Be very, very good at finding the right people. A clear picture of who you need as well as what you need. Have the sense enough to pick good people to get things done and the self restraint to keep from meddling with them while they are at it.

12. Celebrate. Reward staff with a little something no matter how small. Even mistakes, screw ups, failures, accidents. Why? Well they've slogged their guts out, done their best, their all, and sweated blood. Doesn't mean they didn't strive; reward their effort, struggle, determination, teamwork and drive.

13. Consistency. Remember how you do everything. If X pulled a big effort last time and you took them to lunch, and you forgot to give Y give a similar deal next time around - they won't be happy and won't give their best.

14. Show trust in your staff. Your PC crashes from time to time, your car breaks down, these are a given. You don't eye these warily expecting it to happen all the time, then don't watch your staff like that.

15. Listen to ideas from everyone. When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. Every team member could tell you something useful about they as a team or company are getting wrong, or done better. If you are open, ask good questions and listen without prejudice (or talking over them) you will learn something.

Why are there so little women in the games industry?

That’s the main question being asked at the Girl Geeks Dinner representing Women in Games and one I’m tasked to answer.

The blunt answer here is that they don’t appear to be as interested in making games. But is that really true? There has always been scepticism in the past about women not really being a viable market. I think there is a big opportunity to market games to women; other forms of media, books, music, films, magazines have products and advertising aimed at women and I don't think there is any reason games should be any different.

IGDA estimate that only 12% of the game workforce is female, women gamers compromise 38% (ESA) and 42% make up all online gamers to a recent study from the NPD Group. The success of The Simms, the fastest selling PC game of all time, the fanbase is half female. The DS and Wii market incorporates all elements of social gameplay that crosses a vast majority of boundaries. Games like Brain Training and Rock Band have created gameplay experience to a wider audience than the stereotypical image of hard core, adolescent males sitting in their bedrooms playing Doom :) Hell, every female facebook friend I have plays Animal Farm. It comes down to what your definition is of ‘gamer’ but the majority of games do seem to be targeted at existing gamers. Saying that, I hate the pink-sparkly-pony-type games that have emerged as an antidote to the female market. Not to say that there are plenty of teenage girls etc that love these, I just don’t want to be lumped in the same category. I have personal objections to the pink DS, it is truly awful. Apple don’t presume to categorise me by dictating products for my gender, they offer a range of colours that I can pick which defines me best. I don’t want to be treated like a socially conditioned product, I am neither a princess, model or a vet wannabe.

There is also some fairly dreadful depiction of women in video games. It’s a real turn off when in something like GTA4 you can pick up a prostitute, have sex with her, pay her, then shoot her when she gets out of the car to get your money back. The oversexualisation of women in games is appalling although some women gamers look to have the same or greater powers than male characters rather than care about image. However the excess of unnaturally large breasts and near nekkid imagery is gratuitous and wrong. Even the booth babes used at E3 is demeaning, not just depicting the weak position of women in the industry - but to men. Insinuating that they are little more than puny geekboys who can’t get laid and thus endorsing a ‘masculine’ product.

While I find it hard to believe there are large obstacles for female developers, I do think there is an element of hostility to careers to traditional male dominated environments (mechanics, driving, building sites, pilots, etc). Men still hold the majority of programming and design jobs, and at most companies, these are the positions that steer games development. If the talent pool is still falling short of diversity, that’s a real loss the industry can ill afford these days. Different people think in different ways, regardless of gender or anything else. The more different perspectives you can bring to the creative process the more potential there is for new ideas. Within that framework you have as many different opinions as possible and this should be reflected at the very start of the creative process.

An un-ignorable factor is the industries infamous working long hours culture. The ‘crunch’ tends to pull round the clock hours to hit important milestones and this can impact social and home life for many. The burden of running the household (esp if you have kids) tends to fall greater on women and this kind of working just isn’t compatible with parenting. Men suffer this too, and I’ve seen many a burnout along the way caused by nothing short of extorted slave labour by poorly led studios and untrained management. These real issues are at the forefront to everyone now and the industry is starting to shape up in response. Family friendly policies, good benefits and flexibility to hours are the golden hallmarks of desirable companies. If the culture changes to reflect better worklife balance, there will be a greater influx of talented women on the scene. In the arena of time, Women also don’t appear to spend the same amount of time playing games as men do, they often feel guilty of wasting time instead of getting on with chores, etc. The Wii has been a clever concept in that keeping fit doesn’t feel like a time-gobbling waste and women are much more likely to do so guilt free when there is far easier access to do so.

There is also the thorny debate of underrepresentation of women in professional fields, that they are treated somehow ‘differently’. Any small incident can be hidden well within the level of normal situations such as a less glowing recommendation here, a somewhat less interesting project to work on, exclusion from an office beerfest midweek, or a particular idea voiced but not heard are a regular occurance in womens’ lives. I can see a few nodding heads already. This wrong subconscious negative image of women being ‘less competent’ than their male counterparts could still be an unspoken prejudice preventing progress. Equality in the workplace is often misunderstood, it doesn't mean treating everyone the same it's treating everyone fairly.

So what’s the answer?

Research, find out what sort of games women like to play. Look at research into gender differences and try to think about gameplay mechanics that play to the skills that women are generally better at. Include more women in the creative process. Encourage women to join the industry, to become the game designers, and particularly the lead designers.

Create good female characters that are not sad caricatures. Stop making them trophies to be won or a sexual reward and make them heroic with interesting but different skills ie bomb disposal expert like in real ife. If you want to write games that appeal to women, having women making and contributing to the design decisions would make sense.

Schools – it needs to start early. We need to put this on the table early as a viable career path. Games courses are springing up everywhere and as the industry moves so very fast technological wise, the young are much more better suited to be interested and adapt. Besides, who hasn’t grew up with games these days? This needs to communicated to be fun and attractive to all.

Change how we recruit. Studies have found that some subconscious bias is unavoidable so a strong case for argument then that all gender, race and age be removed from the job application process. Second up, getting rid of social circles as a primary input to the selection process and advertise beyond the comfort zone of the hiring manager.

Promote diversity. This isn’t just about promoting women, it’s encouraging a wide selection of different backgrounds, cultures, race, age, gender and sexual orientation. Training management and staff alike to raise awareness, monitor policies, and take all complaints seriously. It’s not enough to merely introduce these but a responsibility to ensure correct understanding of it and clear consequences for discrimination.

At the end of the day, working in games is unlike any other job. Being the only female in my studio bothers me none, in fact it’s a hoot! I enjoy the company of men with similar interests to myself and can converse confidently on a wide range of subjects in and out the office. I’m not entirely sure if the same could be said if the roles were reversed and they were put in amongst large groups of women with the same feeling of ease ;) I do not feel I have to behave or dress like a tomboy, or become masculine in any way to be accepted. Although it does have to be said, that I am not typically ‘girly’ in my interests and prefer Sci-Fi to musicals, like cars to handbags, and techy gadgets to shoes (well ok, sometimes shoes win). I still run into lowered expectations on first impressions but I think this is more human nature though rather than anything negative and like anyone, you need to prove yourself. For the few ladies I have worked with in the past, they have been a great boost to the teams dynamics and bring a fresh perspective of ideas, it’s just a shame there isn’t more. There is no doubt that publishers growing interest in the female gamer combined with job opportunities spells exciting times ahead. Little drops of water wear down big stones, thank god it’s raining.

Con went off on his Italy trip last week to Lake Garda and Milan, so thought I would make use of free time and went to see an audience with Kevin Smith in Glasgow.

My buddy Dave C was back in the UK for his visa renewal and to catch up so it was a Glasgow weekender of life threatening fatty foods and drink :D I haven't been out in Glasgow in donkeys years so I was well up for it. Spent a good bit of time nerdy shopping (comic book stores, tech), met up with Mark H and Andy C to reminisce about the good old studio days in a very sexy curry house. We managed to get fairly sloshed around town, the hotel bar was still going strong at 3.30am so we drank on and discussed our emergency zombie contingency plans and US politics before staggering off to rooms at god knows what hour.

Walking around Glasgow the next day feeling (slightly flakey) was highly enjoyable by taking in sights of the Clyde and Winter Gardens before meeting up with Karim and Gman late afternoon. A gorgeous Italian meal later in a marbled rennaissance style pub and we were gearing up for the fat man.

The Glasgow Concert Hall is quite impressive and we looked for Kevs tweets the closer it came to 7.30pm. The show started late at 8pm and was a straight 3 hour set with no interval. That's a lot of talking and my beer intake started the fear being forced out ducking out for a pee considering I was situated right bang in the middle of a row. I hate those buggers that do that ;) S'aright, tons did it and was safe from attack of the fat man which was fear number 2.

Kev was on top form, wearing the biggest Kilt I think I have ever seen worn. Lots of questions about the Green Hornet, Jason Mewes, Superman V Batman, his ascent into weed and a spiel on trying to direct Bruce Willis :) He spoke a lot on his last few projects (Zack and Miri) and his latest passion on making an Ice Hockey movie. He is very, very funny and really in his element talking about his life in Hollywood, I am thoroughly elated I got to see him in the flesh up close :D

Just picked Con up today from the airport and he has a little bit of colour in his cheeks but is totally exhausted at footie training in the heat for 4 days non stop and no doubt late nights sharing a room. Still, he looks as though he had a great time. I've emptied his suitcase full of dirty washing into the washing machine, fully aware of how this must feel when he might come home from Uni in the future. I'm so happy to have him back I don't mind in the slightest :)

I unexpectedly had the weekend to myself as Con's granny just got back from hols and wanted to see him. So, I went out on Friday after what seems like a long drought of social activity, met some of the games guys out on the town, had a slap up Chinese in the Mandarin Garden and finished it off with a house party. Seems Dundees's newest drug 'Bubbles' has well and truly hit the scene :) A girl who draped herself next to me who slurred that she was quite up to doing Porn for a living to make lots of money. When I said there was a club in town, she said she wouldn't be allowed because she said she was only 16.

Man, I felt REALLY OLD.
Then I felt REALLY PARENTAL.

She's only 3 years older than Connor. I overheard R say it was doubtful I didn't even know what 'poppers' where. Jeez! I felt REALLY ANCIENT. I was really uncomfortable after that, esp when another young girl at the end of the sofa smiled at me for over an hour, repeating I was really pretty, before finally asking if I was really over 40. Fuckit, I left about 4amish.

Saturday was a right off. Sunday was up early in cleaning the house and sorting out the spare room. I've just to sort out all the things I need for Connors Italian trip this week, I've already ironed Mount Everest yesterday so it should be a case of just adding to the suitcase now. Wee bit worried about the group selection in with nutter boy, but I trust the School to be vigilant as I really want him to have an excellent time. He's nervous as he doesn't really know any of the boys going very well and he seems to have lost the ability/confidence to make friends since the disasterous move to the Southampton School. He's just not in the 'cool kids club' which I have tried to explain isn't important and most of us go through that. But it's hard innit? He's asked to join a Karate club as he used to do it when he was about 8 which might improve his confidence. I think I might join him. Should be comedy abound :)

I was up at the School for the final meeting regarding the football trip Con is going on in a few weeks. On the way in the car he only just tells me he is sharing a room with a boy that's been giving him shit with one of his stooges. ie trying to stamp on his leg with the studs of his football boots at games.

I was pretty angry so the first thing I did on entering School was get this room share changed ASAP. I alerted both teachers to the fact that there has been bullying and there was no way he was being trapped in a room with this little cunt. Didn't seem to be a problem and he is now happier having rearranged in with 2 boys that he is actually friends with.

This weekend, while cleaning up I noticed Cons school bag only had one strap on. I only bought it for him just before the end of the last School term so on closer inspection I saw that it had been ripped off. I asked him about it tonight and he revealed it was the same boy who ripped it but all his mated ganged up around him so he couldn't do anything.

Now, it transpires that they have had several physical fights in the school grounds including intervention by the same teacher twice. The pupil services sewed up his bag. HOW THE FUCK ARE PARENTS NOT NOTIFIED?
I'm really worried that he is going away on a trip, that is pretty expensive, just to be subjected to the mercy of this little inbred shit. I wish I knew this at the meeting last week but I'll make it my business that every teacher on that trip keeps him on their radar.

Seeing as I left a voicemail on Friday with pupil services (who left work early I may add) I will most certainly be following this up. Ooh, somebody there is going to have a shitty Monday.

I've been putting off study for months. I'd go as far as to say I am loathe to look at it.

I picked up my HR at work book, and immediately bristled with resentment and boredom. I forced myself to write the sections I need to cover again. DULL, DULL, DULL.

I have several project books filled with my own notes on each detailed section of each topic, brightly littered with multicoloured links and mind maps. I fail to see how I can do what I did better, I really do.

It's not that I don't know this stuff, I do and very well thank you. It's the 'academic ponciness' in adopting HR lingo/management speak where I spout theories, idealogies, and shitty research references (hate that the most). Quite frankly, CIPD courses should be concentrating on having real projects that show practical and demonstrable evidence that successfully contribute to business. All they care about is spouting parrot-fashion viewpoints popularly held by CIPD.

I can't describe justs how much I DON'T want to do this. I feel the life just seeping out of me by some invisible motivation magnet :(

During the last year, I got some good reference material that gave me solid info on how to implement some very good management. This I loved, having set myself up a library of reliable info to use as sources. This is the valuable assets I wanted out of it, increasing my own learning and development so it's not been a complete waste.

I think I need to find another way to revise, cos rewriting the same bloody notes all over again isn't going to do it for me. Especially hard when I don't subscribe to the overanalysed conclusions in the pretentious literature of academics who write this drivel.

I have no illusion that I will pass at all but isn't it cowardly to just not turn up? I feel I should try, but I sadly fear it's a self fulfilling phrophecy simply as the whole thing is a waste-of-time-grind.

We concluded the matter over the phone.

Issue 1
She took on board that she was too busy to give him the questions and in hindsight she could see that prob wasn't the cleverest thing.

*faints*

Solution: All homework goes past me. Con is fully aware of what he did wrong and doesn't do it again.

Issue 2
Connors apathy at the subject is he 'hates reading'. He does read, frequently, but put into the context of presenting him with a book he stubbornly refuses. Prob is that he suddenly asked to produce essays which he has never done before combined with reading and revising books. His mindset is already turned off before he starts.

Solution: Teacher acknowledges essays are new to him, helping him with it in class. I work with him at home on how to make notes in chapters in books and revision techniques. A few chats with him that there really is no shortcuts and the better he accepts he needs to do this well, the better his life will be.

Issue 3
Teacher also admitted that discussing his work with another pupil wasn't right.

Solution: We agreed that we really didn't want to intervene on that unless necessary, preferring to 'work itself out'. She will be monitoring any behaviours though and pleased to say it looks as though it has blown over.

I have to say I found her very nice and she not only accepted what I said but understood that I am more than happy to hear any problems and to work WITH her. After all, we want the same things; kids working well and getting good results.

I feel so much happier, she seems like a good teacher; she listens, takes on feedback and is collaborative. The past fare is where the teacher is self righteous, immediately defensive, dismissive of responsibility and intent on running down everything wrong with your child. I swear some really get off on feeling superior and are so used to talking down to pupils they forget when speaking to those of 'equal' status (Parents).

However, not the case here. Colour-me-super-impressed, I'm *really* liking this School :)

not again :(

Up to the School this week. Con got a letter from his English teacher regarding homework. To be brief it goes like this;

Teacher asks class to copy 9 questions on a book to complete in class. If not then to finish as homework.

Con didn't hand it in on time, extension of 2 days granted.

Con tells her he doesn't have all the questions.

Teacher provides him with questions and answers from anothers homework.

Con then copies all the answers (including spelling mistakes).

Doh.

Teacher letter home to me.


I was super pissed off he did this, 1) not doing his bloody homework and 2) his stupidity at not even plagiarising properly.
What she wrote was her disappointment in his trust that he could do this. What she failed to write is that she told the other pupil Con had cheated and know the whole class knows. I find it a little rich to complain about trust and confidentiality to me when she hasn't acted accordingly herself. Not only that, it *looks* as though she was too lazy to give him the questions and has serious misjudgement if handing him somebody elses completed homework is the best solution!

Methinks there is more to this, Con really doesn't like her and its only 4 weeks in.

Sigh.

Checking my bank statement direct debits is always a nasty surprise. I seem to find irregularities with surprising ease.

I had been paying for someone else’s gas bill for the past year. I only noticed earlier this year when I took over the bills and realised I don’t use British Gas. I stupidly assumed this was for the last house and it hadn’t been cancelled properly so I cancelled the direct debit. It appeared back on again the next month and again I cancelled it with annoyance. Only when I spotted it for the 3rd month in a row did I call British Gas. Having experienced a frustrating nightmare with them in the past I prepared for a long drawn out battle. At first I was fobbed off to my bank to deal with and in no uncertain terms they sent me right back to BG. I pressed on, and they finally uncovered that somebody had been using my account details to pay for their gas and clearly knew it as they kept reinstating my direct debit. How? I dunno, but just thankful they recognise it as fraud and will be sending a refund.

I’ve also been paying a mounting emergency tax mountain thanks to my last job. The very large and inept payroll dept at First Wessex somehow couldn’t get it together to put my correct details in the system and my salary has been paid through a strange code since. I’ve had to put in a claim as I’ve been paying twice as much as everyone else per month which is an exasperatingly slow process.

The latest is O2, when my bill shot up from £35 to £176 in July. I realised this might be to do with going on holiday to Turkey as I checked my work emails, sent a few texts & updated facebook. Bit of a pisser but I thought well that’s the way it goes. My latest direct debit is £400 carried over from that and thought that definitely can’t be right! So, I found my old O2 log in and checked my bills online to find that it looks as though it was non EU data roaming and downloads. Getting my freak on, I had to speak to O2 to clear up what can only be some kind of misunderstanding. I googled this today to find with sinking despair that because it’s an iPhone the new network updates everything from maps, safari, etc & reading emails downloads the text so I’ve been incurring ENORMOUS charges! I had absolutely no idea :( :( This guy though managed to get a result http://news.zdnet.co.uk/communications/0,1000000085,39255518,00.htm

Had I had some tiny inkling to this, I would have left the fucking thing behind. Now I’ve been landed with a bill of just under £600 that cost more than my bloody holiday! I dealt with the first 2 things calmly but this is one that's pushed me too far. I know it's only money but that's not easy to say when you don't have it and been scrimping and saving. I actually feel physically sick..

I've bought myself one of these a few weeks ago;



After buying another 360 for the living room, I played around with watching torrented films through Vuze which my 360 picked up. That is until it unexplicably stopped recognising it wirelessly despite Cons 360 upstairs seeing it?! So, I bit the bullet after wavering on the Apple TV and I'm pleased with it so far and after putting my downloaded stuff onto it, the playback is perfect :)

The downsides are it's USB which means actually unplugging it from the device and replugging into my laptop. The cable doesn't reach the comfort of the sofa so it means sitting on the floor and putting shit on. Bit grumpy about that but living with it. My Macbook also doesn't read anything on the accompanying CD which is irritating seeing as the PDF of instruction is on there, but luckily a windows PC will. Means I can't use any of the software conversion apps tho.

Upside is that because it's not wireless, there's less chance of failure or delay as my connection has been fairly patchy lately. It really does play any manner of file without the need to convert anything. It's also tiny, quiet and piss easy to set up and use :) Luckily I don't need the software conversion apps on the disc (so far) as everything just works.

So, on gazing upon the DVD's I have upon my shelf I thought about how I could get these on. Mac The Ripper is perfect for the jobby and has been nicely ripping the first shelfload this week. These are VOB files which is no problem at all for the WD to playback. What I did have to watch though was where I saved it. If I save it to anywhere else than directly to my external hard drive, the little fucker wouldn't be moved anywhere else. So, once I worked that out I played around with converting it through handbrake to play on iTunes which has been another resounding success. The only drawback is it takes at least twice as long to convert a VOB file to MP4 than to rip the bloody thing in the first place!

As I don't really need them in MP4 format, I'll leave this for later as long as I have them all as VOB's for now. Still, it works a treat and iTunes likes it so Apple TV is not far away from getting ordered in time for Xmas :D That was really what I was hesitant about, I didn't want to plump for something that was only going to be only 'official' digital content but I feel happy now it's not the case and I can manipulate it with goodies.

In all, a recommended purchase and reasonably priced for someone who really isn't techy/geeky in any way. I might even get one for Cons room! However as the digital switchover is approaching I really need to get Con a new TV for his room. He still got one the old monsters with a big arse that carries the weight of 2 full grown men. Sigh, I'm gonna have to dig deep or I can just roll this into Christmas. I realise that the mere mention of this will now surely send several women into a flurry of checking calendars :)

Silly but it made me giggle :)

Interesting HR article I was sent recently which I think may have touched most peoples lives;


What some people call "bullying" is really "tough dynamic management"

The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy. Bullies bully to hide their weakness and inadequacy, and to divert attention away from their incompetence. Many employers don't want to calculate the cost of low morale, poor productivity, poor customer service, high sickness absence, high staff turnover and frequent grievance and legal action that are a consequence of "tough dynamic management".

Bullies don't bully, they're just being assertive

People who bully are unable to distinguish between assertiveness and aggression and when challenged will claim to be "assertive". Assertiveness, which is backed by integrity, recognises and respects peoples' boundaries and values, any request is polite and unconditional and there are no negative consequences if the person being asked says no. Bullies are aggressive, demanding, and regularly violate others' boundaries; aggression does not respect peoples' rights, and requests come with a negative consequence if the course of action demanded by the bully is declined.

Victim or Target

Preffering the word "target", the word "victim" allows disingenuous people to tap into other people's misconceptions and prejudices of victimhood which include the inference that the person was somehow complicit in the abuse. "Target" identifies the choice of the bully to be a bully rather than the misfortune of the target to unwittingly become the latest casualty.

Victims contribute to the bullying

When held accountable, abusers, molesters, harassers, bullies and violent people abdicate and deny responsibility for their actions by blaming their victim. Abusers, harassers, bullies and violent people seem possessed of an army of supporters, apologists, appeasers, acolytes, protectors and deniers, and appreciate all forms of support which mitigate their crime.

But surely victims must do something to invite the bullying?

The six most common reasons bullies select their targets are because of availability (wrong place, wrong time), competence (envy), popularity (jealousy), vulnerability (income and the need to pay the mortgage), emotional maturity and values, and integrity. Targets represent everything that bullies are not, and never will be.

Victims are weak and inadequate

It is always the bully who is weak and inadequate. Bullies resort to labelling others as "weak" and "unstable" in order to appear "normal" in comparison. Normal people don't need to bully; only weak people need to bully to hide their weakness and inadequacy. Therefore anyone who is exhibiting bullying behaviours is revealing and admitting to being weak and inadequate.

Targets of bullying have no interest in power. They go to work to work and they are not interested in office politics or conflict. Targets of bullying have high moral values, a well-developed integrity, a vulnerability, a strong sense of fair play and reasonableness, a reluctance to pursue grievance, disciplinary or legal action. Weak people disingenuously confuse these hallmarks of character with weakness.

Victims are loners

Targets of bullying are independent, self-reliant, self-motivated, have no need to form gangs or join cliques, have no need to impress, and have no interest in office politics.Bullies operate a divide and rule regime and work hard to isolate, exclude and disempower their target who they then falsely accuse of "not being a team player".
Targets have an instinctive ability to detect malicious intent which is often labelled by those who lack this ability as "being oversensitive". Bullies are callously insensitive and indifferent to the needs of others and respond with impatience, irritability and aggression.

Victims are unstable and unhealthy

It is bullies who are unstable and unhealthy. People who observe targets as unstable are recognising the destabilising effect of psychiatric injury although the observers have not understood the injury or the circumstances which result in it. Some researchers have observed destabilisation, hypervigilance etc and made the incorrect assumption that these are personality traits which existed prior to the bullying. False assumptions like this are bad science, disrespectful, insensitive and offensive. It's like seeing someone with a broken leg and making the assumption they must have been born with weak bones.

It's a personality clash

A personality clash is where two people of equal rank or status or value or power don't see eye to eye. Bullying consists of a pattern of persistent, daily, trivial, nitpicking criticism, isolation, exclusion, undermining, discrediting, setting up to fail, etc on a target who the bully has disempowered and disenfranchised. HR departments frequently write off bullying as a "personality clash", much to the delight of the bully who is always trying to heap all the blame onto their target.

There's a fine line between bullying and tough management

I've never heard anyone say "there's a fine line between a normal relationship and sexual harassment" or "there's a fine line between marriage and domestic violence". The objectives of the serial bully are power, control domination and subjugation, achieved largely through manipulation, deception and abuse of power; "management" is a convenient cover for the serial bully's disordered, dysfunctional and always destructive behaviour.

Bullies have high self-esteem

Bullies exhibit arrogance, narcissism, plausibility, certitude, self-assuredness, selfishness, untouchability, a sense of invulnerability and an unerring belief in their rightness and infallibility. Bullies also excel at deception and evasion of accountability. Some people mistake these for high self-esteem, which they are not.  People with high self-esteem have no need to bully.

Victims have problems with people in authority

This is one of the tactics that bullies and abusive employers use. They claim that the target who is busy exposing incompetence, negligence etc has "a problem with authority". Some less-than-competent mental health professionals claim this too. The truth is that targets have an uncanny knack of spotting fakes, fraudsters and weak, inadequate and incompetent people abusing their position of power; said incompetents also have an uncanny knack of being able to spot who can see through them.

I look rather surprised :)

Phrase: JFDI
Definition: Just fucking do it.... when you dont even want to give a reason....
Example: Dear John, JFDI kind regards Phil
Tags: order

Phrase: Snow Under
Definition: What happens when you spend too much time on the internet during office hour, when you actually have a lot of work to do.
Example: NO, it's not ready, can't you see I am completely snowed under.
Tags: slacking, trouble, lazy

Phrase: A-SAP
Definition: For those moments when you just don't have enough time to spell out A S A P or even say "as soon as possible"... JOKE: Only A-SAP would use this term... hahahahahahaha *I just wee'd a bit*
Example: I need that report on my desk A-SAP!
Tags: asap

Phrase: Ducks in a row
Definition: My favourite crappy office term which basically refers to agreeing something. It's my favourite as it's the most abstract conceivable replace for the word "agree".
Example: Can we get our ducks in a row regarding the product portfolio before the meeting?
Tags: agree, agreement

Phrase: Bring to the table
Definition: When you're in a team, each member SHOULD bring some benefits to the group. Unfortunatly, teamwork usually reduces all of it's members to the lowest common denominator, the thicko in the group.
Example: What exactly does he bring to the table?
Tags: benefit

Phrase: Granularity
Definition: If you require detail, but don't like using simple words, this is for you.
Example: Let's take a more granular look at the process.
Tags: detail

Phrase: On my radar
Definition: A bell-end way of saying "I'm aware of".
Example: There's a holistic approach on my radar.
Tags: aware

Courtesy of http://reponere.com/officelingobingo.php

Reading a book atm called 'The Book of Tells' which reveals human behaviours/body language in society.

In the world of apes and monkeys individuals who occupy similar positions in social hierarchy normally take turns to groom each other by removing insects, lice etc from each others hair. It's called grooming and is an expression of friendship and solidarity between equals. However, for subordinates, they groom the dominant individuals only.

This situation is about the ratification of power and is all one way. In human society, status grooming has been largely shifted to speech. Currying favour with the boss, we resort to 'grooming talk'. Instead of using hands to stroke their body, we use words to stroke their ego. The desire to be liked by others is deep seated and 2 basic strategies are used in this situation;

Self-deprecation - saying negative things about oneself. Achieved by minimizing ones own achievements, talents or denying any responsibility thereof. Submissive people often use this to appear unthreatening and it makes the dominant person feel more self- important. Power people can use this with the intent to invite contradiction, laying a 'flattery trap'.

Promotion - saying positive things about someone else. There are several ways to ingratiate oneself; by agreeing with everything they say, doing them favours, and the most popular, compliments and flattery.

Ingratiation is essential in any organisation, reducing friction between people at different levels and smoothing any ascent up the ladder. Most people will be horrified to discover how much we alter our behaviour unconsciously in the presence of powerful people, and yet we're constantly agreeing with what they say, concealing our real opinions, and generally behaving in a way that makes us more acceptable.

The book reveals several tricks people use to make their ingratiation less transparent;

Downgrading - disguise their motives with a less potent version i.e. complimenting someone rather than doing a favour as they involve more time/effort and more likely to raise suspicion.

Diluting - complimenting the boss on a phrase in his speech rather than the whole speech.

Camouflaging - sticking to one strategy as more than one can raise suspicion i.e. complimenting a speech and then a flattery remark about his tie rings bells.

Those who observe the flattery happening are the least impressed by it. We're more objective when someone else is flattered than if directed at ourself. Seasoned ingratiatiors who know this try to ensure that other people aren't present to witness their attempts at ingratiation or if they are, they are obliged to support the same opinions.

I've been observing people around me and noticing some pretty obvious tells going on, as well as catching myself doing a number of things :) Obvious stuff when you know, but still intriguing all the same.

 Ack, just realised that only Gremlins post after midnight, so said Uncle Rik. :) Bad things then happen.

Good friends - very few and far between, but worth listening to.

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I read with some interest in a previous colleagues description on how to hire. What absolute tosh and a perfect example of the blind leading the blind. Obvious by the huge rap sheet of jobs they have been trying to fill for years on end. More people leave than they can replace but it's of no surprise why...

The wrong reasons in how to hire;

1.Comparison - comparing candidates against one another.
What an idiotic waste of time. You should have a specific description of what you want this person to do, a job task list of what is required. Then you need to have a specific personal description of who you want to do the job, a list of traits that are essential to team fit, experience and desirable qualities. This is the only thing you should be measuring candidates against. Forget your dodgy guts, base it on facts.

2.Efficiency - taking a lot of time to find positive reasons to hire.
Pish. Ask the right questions, first time round, and you will get to the bottom of past performance. Constructive questioning is key. However, if you don't get the right information at the application stage you could be wasting everyones time again. Make sure you select the right people with the right criteria in the first place to interview (as per No.1) So the upshot is, the reasons should be matched against your criteria list.

3.Bad Hires - are disasterous.
Yes they are, but that usually says more about your selection technique than about them. His solution is to prefer to eliminate 'a great hire' rather than take a risk. By those very words alone demonstrate utter incompetence - why would you eliminate, by your own words, a great hire? Well, it seems good people of the same quality are always on tap according to him! A good selection process should present the right people for the right role, if none of them meet the required standard then they are not 'a great hire' are they? 
Hiring people for the sake of saving time or money, is a false economy. It will waste your and other staffs time with costly mistakes, create bad morale and unnecessary stress for everyone. It costs the company twice the time and money to rehire again.

This isn't nuclear physics, but it does take some careful consideration into this process. Lack of attention at this important stage can really have an impact on your business. If you can't find the right person you are looking for, then you should be re-evaluating the situation and the job role again.  

Something I feel strongly about, is that finding positive reasons have got fuck all to do with this process. It has to be factual, you need to have to know exactly what you want from someone.  Dead simple.

Last day at work today and I've got that Friday feeling :)

Off to Turkey this weekend with a friend. I've spent the last week trying to get organised with clothes, documents, bill payments, school hols and buying a zillion toiletries. It's been so looong since I went on a holiday, I've forgotten what I need to take. So for the first time in over 4 years, it's Sun, Sand, Sea and lots of food and drink as below:D

The Blue Lagoon Beach


It's really only hit me this week that I am going somewhere absolutely gorgeous and I know we're going to have a great time. I'm superexcited now!!!!

It's Cons 13th Birthday next week as well (what a landmark!) so it's a little different from his usual big party event but I have a number of things lined up for him which I think he won't forget. I'll let him choose from;

Panaromic paragliding


Scuba diving


6 Island boat trip (to where Cleopatra took her bath)


Jeep tour visiting ruins, mud baths and canyon

(NB - these are all real pics)

River boat cruise, visiting secluded Turtle beach and rock tombs, quad bikes, Aquapark, horseriding, etc, etc. I'm quite sure we'll do most of these anyway aside from days just lazing at the pool and getting spoiled :)
I won't be updating apart from random Facebook/twitters as I am not taking any gadgets apart from my iPhone, camera & DS. The laptop stays firmly back at home, otherwise it's not a getaway from everyday life. I like to think that I'm a whole humanbeing without feeling castrated if detached from the fucking internets.

It's been a long time coming but finally we can get away on a family holiday like we both used to regulary do. I've really missed this real quality time and it put's life priorities into perspective. Nothing is more important.

I do hope I packed enough bikinis...LET THE MEGASHAVEATHON BEGIN!!!